so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
