i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
