I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
