Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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