no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
there is puke in my bra ... again
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
