jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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