just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
