Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
