were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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