Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm too high and old for this...
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
