her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
FUCK WHALES
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
