I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
