i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
everyone is single if you try hard enough
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
