I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
