Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Ladies don't puke and tell
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
