I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
