I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
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