you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
