he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
