Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
