i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
