Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
