i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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