dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
