I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
