You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
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i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
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Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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