five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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