dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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