your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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