I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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