I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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