so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
They took my balls.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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