You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
