just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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