how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
