Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
