I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
