you have to choose: penises or morals?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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