I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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