If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
