I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
