I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
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