I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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