You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
