dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Do vagina's smell?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
