I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
ok first of all what the fuck
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
