i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
