My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
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