I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
When are your genitals available?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
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