I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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