Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
