Need sex. Gaining weight.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
