i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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