Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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