Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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