okay pat passed out under dana's car
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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