I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
