Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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