he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
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He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
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I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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