she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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