So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
