I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
